.We talked about our experiences with making amends; with or without sponsors direction/guidance, with or without using the word "sorry", with or without staying on your own side of the street, with or without getting clear on the harm, with or without making a huge production out of it, with or without describing the spiritual nature of the visit, etc.
.Some of the most helpful items discussed in the meeting for me was finding ways of getting clear on the harm. Some of us use Sacraments of Pennance in our 8th Step to help of find the harm we caused and we also use it to find it in us to have a contrite heart if we are to follow through with the amend. But if we're not clear on the harm, we are all pretty much of the belief that we don't make the amend. Another suggestion is to place yourself in their shoes. How would you react to that person if they treated you the way you treated them? Another suggestion is to just ask the questions, "How did you fuck them?" and "How did you try to stick it to them/ retaliate?"
.I've been bantering with a person on a forum I frequent, someone who hates A.A. and has an axe to grind with A.A. folks as her husband seems to not have done too well with the Program. She suggests that we alcoholics, drunk or sober, are self-absorbed assholes all of the time and to run away from some assholic A.A.er trying to make an amend to you because they are victims looking for a way to stick it to you again, and twist the knife while it's in. She says we duck responsibility and that's pretty much that.
.I told her that her description of alcoholic seems to be a sociopath or a psychopath who just so happens to drink again. She said how her ex blacked out, abused his children, etc., then in the morning, said that he didn't feel the least bit bad about what he might have done the night prior because he can't remember it so he is thus off the hook.
.Drunk or sober, I feel like shit the next day after I cause someone else harm, and you?