Go fucking get drunk. You're off the hook.
Or go have a bowl of self pity. That's the problem I have with sponsorship. So what if your fucking sponsor drank? What the fuck does that got to do with you? Maybe you shouldn't have picked a pussy for a sponsor.
But in any case, are you gonna live? Are you gonna do steps? Are you gonna get and stay sober? Are you gonna do each and everyone of those 12 Steps or do you want to do something else?
If you want a lurking notion or a loophole, then just go drink. Or... if you want a reason to leave A.A. and find another path... there ya go.
So much for the "working with others" is insurance against the next drink theory. The fact that you were someone else's pigeon should have guaranteed his/her own sobriety... but oh fuck! So much for that debunked myth.
Get through with the fucking steps and get sponsor free. That's what I say.
Your sponsor drank? Go get another sponsor. Shit like that happens. If you're pretty far along in the program - done the steps correctly, keep your side of the street clean and all that bullshit, you may decide not to get another one.
ReplyDeleteBut if you're a newbie and haven't finished the steps, you need another sponsor. Doing the steps alone doesn't hack it.
And "working with others " isn't insurance against taking another drink. There is no insurance. We live day to day, doing the best we can. We make the 12 steps a way of life, and working with others is one of those 12 steps.
Sometimes it doesn't work. Nobody's perfect.
Some folks don't have sponsors after they've finished the steps. That's their choice. Some do, and I'm one of them. That's my choice. It isn't that I need him but rather that I want him around. I like having a guy that I can turn to if I need some advice. I don't use him very often, but he's there if I need him.
That's what I say.
My first sponsor drank when he was seventeen years sober. I was about ten and a half years sober. He & I had drifted apart before then, actually he'd drifted away from about everyone. Outwardly he was doing the deal, but he was leading a double life and not being honest about somethings.
ReplyDeleteHis drinking doesn't negate what he did for me. He helped save my life by leading me to God. I get a little sad when I think about him, but whenever we've talked in the last few years there just anything to talk about beyond "How's the wife & kids?"
I have been basically sponsorless since he drank. I have had and still do have a few mentors and a small circle of friends that I talk to and they talk to me. We swap inventory, stuff like that.
I'm of the mind that an effective sponsor makes it crystal clear that our sponsees sobriety is not contingent on people, meetings, anything external.This goes against a lot of crap I hear these days in AA. Frankly I don't want what the majority has, the majority in AA drink again.For me It is about incorporating spiritual principles into our daily lives.
ReplyDeleteI have not had a sponsor in the last 5 years. Like Jim, I have a small group of men who I discuss with and swap inventory. Other than that, It is up to me to maintain discipline.
I am always leery of the group think mentality, it keeps people sick and dependent on meetings and ego starved sponsors. The actual program offers tremendous freedom,shame so few get to experience it.
Good comments about sponsorship.
ReplyDeleteI'd agree with Joe that if you're new and mid-steps, you should finish off with someone else.
I've heard folks announce from the podium that their sponsor drank and it didn't phase them. But it is funny to contemplate the get out of jail free card. Not ha ha funny of course... but tragic funny.
Now, what else sounds tragic is the idea of whole groups drinking... one member at a time... and the group not seeing it happening. That's why I've been told, "Don't follow them out".
As everyone has mention, get another sponsor/guide. That is all my sponsor did was guide me through the BB. He was not my older brother, Dad, counselor, priest, gay buddy fucker, best friend ect.....he also did not keep me up to date on the gossip from the fellowship.
ReplyDeleteThank fucking God for Marty NA/Harry AA two real men who thought more about my safety then I at the time. I was never informed to listen to the fellowship and if I wanted to I was told to go ask the fellowship to be my sponsor.
I like Rob have 5 men and 2 women in my life today (in and out of AA/NA) that I converse with on a intimate bases. They know me and have for several decades.
This is what AA taught me. AA taught me to be interdependent "not dependent" on AA. To practice the principles and allow them to work through me. To get out in life and live.
I am practicing this "one day at a time" I believe.