I’m chairing a meeting tonight on the Bedevilments. I’d ask you now where you stand with these questions today… and what you’re doing spiritually to treat them or how has God blessed you already in these areas;
• We were having trouble with personal relationships
• We couldn’t control our emotional natures
• We were a prey to misery and depression
• We couldn’t make a living
• We had a feeling of uselessness
• We were full of fear
• We were unhappy
• We couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people
It may be that you’ve recently been through a set of steps and God has restored you and given you power in these areas and given you solutions to these problems.
Or maybe you’re like me and been through a set of steps and see some issues still lingering here.
My question is what’s your current or recent experience in these areas and what are some examples where God’s taken you to better things.
• We were having trouble with personal relationships
Well, I’m kind of new to this Thing, this Entity that we all call God. I either forget that God has me and the world in His best interest and that He already knows what my purpose in life is and how I can best serve the world. I’ve offered myself to God in the 3rd Step and asked God to take away my difficulties. Do I remain in this proper “relation” to God? Well no, not exactly. I lack faith. I rely on self and go to fear. When I don’t sense God, I go back to playing God. And as the book says, “It didn’t work”. I forget that from time to time.
Relationship with self. A little too much, if you know what I mean.
Relationship with spouse/significant other; It may be that you’re so situated that you’re widowed or single or dating or married. I’m married, so… my experience tells me that I could use God’s guidance in this area. Sex; she’s not at her “optimum weight for me, I’m no 22 year old stud, so it could be better. We have all this exercise equipment, but it collects dust. At minimal, we could go for walks together and eat healthier. Or I could sweep it under the rug and bitch about it in inventory later this year. Could be worse. Somehow, I’m missing how God could help me in this area. Advice from others has always sucked really hard. Advice from others’ has not shed one once from her ass, nor has it shed a pound of fat off my gut. At least the spouse still wants to spend time with me. We’ve come a pretty good way in 9 years, but she makes 3 times what I do. I’m the Man here! I’m supposed to be the King of the Castle. More on this later.
Relationship with my spiritual peers; I go to lunch on Friday, but not so much fellowship with guys around my 5 years of sobriety. I have opportunity for this with another group, but it’s too social and not enough spiritual. I do, after all, have a wife to go home to. I need to work out a compromise with my peers and wear the pants with the wife too.
• We couldn’t control our emotional natures
In a meeting on Friday, I yelled at my boss and he told me to clear out my desk and go home. So I did. Then 15 minutes later, he apologized and owned up to his part and asked me to go back to work. My emotional nature seemed to spike that morning and I started with rage and wound up with self-pity. I spent the rest if the weekend in fear, but I’ve got my resume handy. I guess I could use God in this area.
• We were a prey to misery and depression
I’m not big on misery and depression, that I’m aware of. Despite the current worldly situation, I’ve got a job to go to and I’ve got my bills to date; albeit sometimes 2 weeks late. I’m well fed, clothed good enough, have pretty good health, and am working with a new man who’s in step 4 and hangin’ in there with going to meetings. I don’t do much other service work but I’ve got a pretty good balance of AA, seeking God through steps 10, 11, and 12, family, recreation, hobbies, chores, etc. If I get off my otherwise lazy ass and do something, I’m pretty content and happy.
• We couldn’t make a living
Well I don’t make any less money than I did two years ago, but I don’t think I’ve earned a pay raise nor have I received a review in two years. I’ve been here for over 5 years now. Year before last I got a big bonus, but this year, I spent the 100 bucks buying the Boss’s family Christmas gifts. It was a wash. My bills have increased in amount and I don’t make no more money. I have credit dept. It’s holding steady, but look at the money I’m throwing away there. The wife makes 3 times what I do. Who wears the fucking pants here? According to our salaries, I wear the fucking dress and ought to be in the fucking kitchen making her pot fucking pie. If it weren’t for her, I’d be poor. Then again, I pay near 50% of the bills and she drives the better car and has the bigger savings, checking, and retirement account. If it weren’t for her, I’d have no fucking medical insurance. Thank God she’s willing to help me. I should pray to her every night. She’s become my sugar-momma-God.
• We had a feeling of uselessness
My company is a small and growing company. We’ve slowed in our business and I’ve been trying to find ways to charge money and bring in capital for my expertise. We used to make the bulk of our money off flooring installs, but other companies are so broke, they ain’t buying new floors. I need to get creative here find a way to “carry my own weight”. I could use God’s help in this area.
• We were full of fear
I’m getting a little pissed watching the stock market slide and unemployment grow. Where’s the fucking bottom? We haven’t been living high on the hog for a couple of years now. What if I lose my job or my wife loses her job? Yeah, fear. It’s bad enough when I have to look at my own family, but what about our city, state, country, global economy? God does not intend for us to live in fear. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. I want to not suffer, and I ain’t crazy about pain. Need I just wake up, show up, put the gloves on and ask, “How can I help?”
• We were unhappy
I’ve been pretty darned spoiled, to be honest. I look at my oldest brother Chris, who’s a paranoid schizophrenic. He hears voices, smokes a cigarette every 3 minutes and slams Dr Peppers and coffee and takes his strong medication every day just to function. It seems like he’s existing to breathe tobacco smoke, ingest caffeine and mood altering meds, pace the floors in a ritual manner, and once in a while, reminisce about something that’s happened 50 years ago. I’m glad to just be an alcoholic who hasn’t lost his mind yet. Then there’s my nephew who’s back in prison for using meth, stealing a woman’s purse, and dragging her 50 yards with his car as she tried to reach into it to grab her purse back from him. He was supposedly “spun out” for about 8 days straight when it happened.
• We couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people
Well I show up at meetings and share my experience with the topic and stuff… I’m glad that I belong to a strong group that does all 12 steps, but our group has seen no new members that have stayed longer than about 2 meetings. I’m the newest member of our small meeting of 4 or 5 or six people. My five years is it! I’m the newcomer! I’ve had to send new guys I meet to our rival group for one reason or another. What the fuck is wrong with this picture? Why can’t we work with a guy who’s taking meds for manic-depressive? Why do women ask if we’re a stag group? Is it me? Is it the group as a whole? Could we use God in this area?
Anyway… Just looking for a topic that will challenge our little group a bit tonight.
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