Ever been to a meeting and heard this?

So the topic was on the second step and I got called on first.  I've got energy and I don't mind... setting the pace so to speak.



It went along pretty good for a bit ... I think.  The chair person was a good one... good topic.



Then just when it seemed like the meeting was gonna fizzle, E got called on.  He said some very powerful stuff.  He's sober 30+.  He is one of only three guys in town who can/will hear my 3 column inventory.  He had said something to the effect... "So if you can manage well... or come in with that desparation that you really need to do it this time... like it's the last house on the block and I really really got to get it this time or else and you do... you fit the description of the hard drinker."



I don't know if that's exactly how he said it or what he said... but it was something to that effect.  But it hit me as true.  Then the very next gal who was picked said, "E... usually you say something that inspires me... but I'm not feeling it this time.  Maybe it will hit me in a few hours or so."



I can't believe that she said that.  First of all... who give a shit what you think or feel?  The thing he said seemed to have annoyed or upset her.  Maybe she heard some truth and it bothered her.  Maybe she heard something that didn't "resonate" with her.



I think the real deal is this... MOTRers and/or hard drinkers DO NOT like being called hard drinkers.  It offends them.  They don't want to be called out as hard drinkers and they don't want to be moved.  They like comfort... making coffee... cleaning ashtrays.  Oh wait, we don't do that anymore.



The later part of E's statement may confuse some of you ... you may not agree with it.  But here's my own experience with the thing... my last time back went like this;  I didn't even think I had any resove left.  I knew that my drinking was spiraling out of hand and I was realizing that I could not bargain with my wife any longer.  Get sober or bye bye wife.  I'd tried to arrange trying some "controlled drinking" and she would have no part of it.  So I really really was geared towards splitting with her and going it alone... not so much because I wanted to continue drinking like I was... but because I was quite sure that I'd already done that A.A. shit and it was just not for me anymore.  I didn't want to do it again, I didn't want to fail you folks yet again... and I also didn't want to put up with your shit and hear your lectures.  I'd rather drink bourbon and just say "Fuck All Y'all!"



So I had absolutely no hope in coming back... yet again... and I didn't want to even bother y'all with it again.



But I did.  I swallowed my pride for just a few moments for some reason, came back in and said, "Here I am.  Can you help me?"  This group did not tell me "You have to want to quit more than you want to drink."  or "You have to want it for you."  or "Easy does it... one day at a time."  No, they said, "Yes, we can help you.  You can do this.  But first, do you think you have a problem with booze... and are you ready to quit for good and all (or maybe even 'Do you want to do something about it?')"



I said "Yes" and "Yes" and I meant it.  I walked away from there with a complete sense of surrender and I felt hope immediately.



I don't know if what I experienced then was right or wrong, good bad or indifferent... but I knew what E was sayin'.