Thursday, May 19, 2016

My troubles are of my own making

An idea taken from the A.A. book, how can this verse be considered a statement of hope?

Well, because it just is.  I am the perpetrator of my misery, not you nor it nor them.

If you were my problem, then I'd be doomed.  That's the "statement of hope" part, as Frank McKibbon would say, Grhs.

Ok so, take for example the guy with the dirty filthy cluttered home.  He is depressed.  He feels bad, inside and out, mentally and physically, as he well should.

Why?  Because he's not doing what he wants to be doing. It's all about that "state of consciousness", right?  When I'm not doing the things that I know I could and should be doing, it adds up, piles up in fact.

So, finally one day, he cleans his "house", or home if you will.  He instantly feels better.  He's very agitated going into the project though.  Why?  Self-doubt, fighting his own states of consciousness of course, but then low and behold, he feels better, even though he's only started.  Why?

For one thing, he's made a decision.  He's finally made good on an intent that once popped into his head.  At this point, the home cleans itself.  He goes through the motions, but as he goes, what happens?  Creativity  shows up.  His consciousness rises, and he's now on a roll.

Not only does he clean his house, but he finds stuff he's forgotten about.  He sorts stuff out, throws stuff out, organizes, etc.

Now some may say that this example is superficial, but this isn't so.  Some may say that the guy with a perfectly clean home can still be depressed, lonely, sad.  True, but go to his house and dirty it up.  Does he get well, does his consciousness rise?  No.  He gets worse.

Now get this... after a home is cleaned, it cleans itself even more, and becomes a cleaner home.   A cleaner home is even easier to clean, to maintain.

Do what you think you ought, even if you don't think you want to.  Once you get there, you'll find a new guide post, a new direction, a new intent... or an old one, as the case may be.

Monday, January 4, 2016

12 Years Sober

Yup, 12 years sober today.

I don't want to drink alcohol, nor do I want to get high.

I will continue to not drink booze nor do drugs in the future.

Why? Because I've found a sufficient substitute. I have found a better way to raise my consciousness.

Also, I haven't been to an A.A. meeting since prior to June of '15.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

deleted post from a forum I frequent

Somebody took offense to my calling him on his racist rant and baiting post.

I decided to show him his error, and he took offense to that.

Turns out, after going back and forth a couple of times, he'd go ahead, stalk me, read my blog, and find ammunition for himself against me over there.

Mods took care of the situation, so, I'll chill on this end too.

Contents deleted/put away for now.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Current post on SoberRecovery now; what do you believe is the most important message to pass along to the newcomer in AA

If I had a shot at a newcomer in an A.A. meeting?


I'd first ask them what brings them to A.A. Do you think you have a drinking problem? If so, why? Maybe you do or maybe you don't. Do you know what an alcoholic is? Do you know what a non-alcoholic is? Maybe search what a variety of sources says about the subject and get your own feel for what these terms really mean.


If it turns out you're not alky, please run from A.A. as fast as you can!


Maybe there's no such thing as the term Alcoholic. Maybe we're all wrong. Maybe in time, we'll all laugh at this.


Don't let anyone hustle you into A.A.


If you are an alcoholic, what do you want to do about it? Do you want to quit for good and all? If so, maybe give A.A. a try. Do you have reservations about God? Are you open minded about the whole thing. Are you religious? Would a church or other affiliation serve you? Are you not willing to consider a Higher Power? If not, maybe you should run away from A.A. now.


Are you willing to read the proposals of the A.A. program and decide for yourself all down the line, are you willing to do this right now and for the rest of your life?


Are you willing to decipher all of the Middle-of-the-Road Treatment Center crap which has infiltrated A.A. and other recovery processes and find out what is true and what is not?


Do you want to live? Do you want to succeed in life and take full responsibility of your own life from this second on?


Boy, if that don't run them off, I don't know what else would. That's what I think I would tell them. Maybe I ought to look into a new avocation. I'm into home improvement and grilling right now. I'd better stick to that for a while.

The Horror and Shame of meeting A.A. people on the street...

A.A. dude: How are you doing, McGowdog? I haven't seen you in a loooooong time! :)


Me: I'm good. And you?


A.A. fellow : I'm FANTASTIC! Haven't seen you around for a loooooooooong time! :)


Me: Well go bleep yourself bleephole! Srsly though... so I lie! How bleeping pathetic is that? I have to resort to a lie! I say, "Well bleephole... no srsly, I say, "Well D... ude, I've not seen YOU in MY homegroup meeting on MONDAY ever!"


This is all to just get him off my back. So why can't I just say, "Oh, well D...ude, I've quit A.A. I just don't go anymore."


I couldn't muster the words. I didn't have the heart. I'm just chicken-bleep.


So he says, "So, how are YOU doing? Really?


BLEEP you bleeping bleephole. I'm doing fine, FANbleepingTASTIC, bleephole! I'M DOING BETTER THAN bleepING YOU BleepDAMNIT!







Thursday, July 2, 2015

Freedom! My observations of life after... A.A.

Well it hasn't been that long yet.


I'm still sober.  I still don't want to drink.  I don't have to drum up what I've been doing the last week to impress upon the world my relentless pursuit of perfection of working the A.A. steps.


I have been asked so politely to come back to the group or invited to holiday things etc., etc.


These folks were/are in fact, my friends as well.  But minus the commitment, where do I really stand?  We shall see.


So, what does this new found freedom feel like?  It's nice, to not have to eat sleep and breathe A.A. shit for a while.  I can spend time with the wife.  Spend time with my aging parents.  Spend time with my home, my back yard, my kitchen floor, my new hot water heater that I installed, just like the new kitchen floor, my soon to be back yard improvements, my old car restoration, my T.V.!  That's right!  I've finished off House of Cards, gotten three seasons into Damages, etc.


Freedom to just live... my life, the way I want to.  I don't have to give a damn about what an alcoholic is or is not or whether that dude or chick has the same beliefs or A.A. knowledge that I do.  They don't give a damn about my meticulous studies of the A.A. doctrine that I've slaved over the last 21 or so years.


It feels so good to just chill for a while.