Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Ultimate Authority

Meeting on Monday night was on the 2nd tradition.

We discussed how and when we turn towards God as the Director of our lives... and how we do the same at the group level.

How do you know if your Group Conscience is in line with God's Will?  Where does minority opinion play in here?

Whom Governs your group?  Is it Central Office?  New York?  The members with some "time"?  How about the newcomer?  If it's God, then how does your group facilitate this?  Is it done through Group Conscience?  If so, how many of your group shows up for it's own Group Conscience?  Maybe it's in your meeting itself.  If so... if God and the Power is present in your meetings, do you show up at least once a week if you can?  Is there fire and passion in your meeting?  Do you bring good topics?  Do folks do steps in your group?  When someone doesn't show up does it hurt the group?  Does your group let you know how much you are missed when you don't make it?

Is it too much to ask to show up to a group meeting once per week?  Granted, I missed my homegroup for over 6 months.  They almost disbanded.  But they didn't.  My work schedule changed and I'm back.  I like to think that God and my intent to make it back may have had something to do with it. 

We had a new guy come check out our meeting a few weeks ago... and another one just this last week.  We'll see if any of them can make that dreaded 2nd meeting.  Our group is not too popular.  But for the size of the group, it packs a wallop of a punch.  I'd say there's a bit of heat.  But nothing like a group that's got say 40-50 people.

Monday, February 13, 2012


I chaired the meeting tonight and this was the topic. 


I'm talking about the forgiveness we do... in that 4th step.  Some folks use it when they call themselves names in their 4th column.  Some folks use it when they move from steps 6 and 7 on into steps 8 and 9. 

However you get there, the time will come where you have to face the person you've hated.  He kicked you in the balls or spat on you or... said you were wrong... or tried to control and dominate you.  Whatever it was.

But there comes a time when you have to settle the deal, own up to your part, and get past it.  It may be that you don't owe him an amend... or you're not ready to make it yet... or whatever.  But let's say, you've "taken the bit into your teeth" and you're going to sweep off your side of the street.

I wronged you.  This is what I did to you...  I rebelled against your authority... etc. etc. etc.  Then when it's done, "What can I do to set this right between us?"

If you've gotten this far... in my experience, you're usually free. 

You are no longer a victim.  You are now responsible.  You are free.  You are once again happy and at peace in your own skin and that guy who you hated is a new man... although he's the same.

Now, some folks refuse to do this.  They have a justified resentment... they do NOT owe an amend, and they see no need to forgive... nor does that bastard need praying for.  They are neither sick nor are they human.  They are wrong and to hell with them.  I feel sorry for those folks... especially when they were me.  They are entitled to their pain and they are not responsible.  They are right and they are the... victim.

Why do some folks refuse to get well?

What's your current experience with forgiveness?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Don C... Four Seasons of Recovery

Don C, all grown up.  I can't believe that I have not taken time to go see him.  Maybe he's been down to Pueblo and I didn't even know.  He couldn't live 50 miles from me. 

I like the way he describes the seasons of our recovery. 

Hopefully Jim will weigh in on this.  He has a common sponsor, I believe.

Whitney... RIP.

I'm not going to eulogize her recent life.

I would like to call your attention to her rendition of the National Anthem back in 1991.

But her choice to be in a relationship with Bobby Brown and a call to kiss her black ass... is the other parts of her talented life.

I had heard she had tried rehab.

Is there such a thing as A.A. oriented rehab? Did rehab fail her? Why or why not?

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I have a resentment against hospitals and treatment centers

Specifically, Parkview Medical Center in Pueblo Colorado and some hospital in Denver Colorado... can't remember which one.

Why? They fucked me over monetarily. They screwed me and my family out of money and did so willingly and without remorse.

The first time it happened, I was at Metro State College at Denver and I was seeing ok one minute and the next minute, I had blind spots. I was living with my parents at the time as a full-time student. I went to the campus nurse and they were concerned about me so they sent me to the local hospital for a CT scan. Turns out I'm allergic to iodine. Turns out, I was probably just having a fucking migraine headache, my first to date at the time. The stupid fucks there kept asking me if I had taken cocaine or some shit. I had not. Months later, I'd have bills coming from collection agencies to pay off late radiologist bills and shit. The hospital did nothing for me except to give me an epinephrine shot to counteract the blood dye for the fucking CT scan. The ass fuckers didn't even diagnose my introduction to the occasional migraine. So... $800.00 later to fix my credit.

Fastforward to one of my latest drunks... the hotel incident. I tear apart part of a hotel in a drunken rage and make amends to the hotel manager... to the tune of 800 bucks. No problem. But multiply that figure by 10... and that's what Parkview took from me as my former employment HR department refused to pony up what a CDU in town overcharged me.

We've long since squared up those debts... but it pisses me off and makes me wonder.

They ought to teach a High School course and a Humanities College course on how to not get fucked in the ass financially. They ought to level with the student the long-term financial burden of such things as... going to the hospital/clinic/school nurse with your wallet open and without the aid of a good lawyer. They ought to level with the student the long-term financial burden attached to going out on that weekend binge, dating that stupid schmuck or who-whah...

My dad has an old adage I should have included into my HS and college studies... "A fool and his money are soon parted."

So how does this relate to an A.A. topic? ... foolish decisions... dangerous to alcoholics.