Monday, February 13, 2012
I chaired the meeting tonight and this was the topic.
I'm talking about the forgiveness we do... in that 4th step. Some folks use it when they call themselves names in their 4th column. Some folks use it when they move from steps 6 and 7 on into steps 8 and 9.
However you get there, the time will come where you have to face the person you've hated. He kicked you in the balls or spat on you or... said you were wrong... or tried to control and dominate you. Whatever it was.
But there comes a time when you have to settle the deal, own up to your part, and get past it. It may be that you don't owe him an amend... or you're not ready to make it yet... or whatever. But let's say, you've "taken the bit into your teeth" and you're going to sweep off your side of the street.
I wronged you. This is what I did to you... I rebelled against your authority... etc. etc. etc. Then when it's done, "What can I do to set this right between us?"
If you've gotten this far... in my experience, you're usually free.
You are no longer a victim. You are now responsible. You are free. You are once again happy and at peace in your own skin and that guy who you hated is a new man... although he's the same.
Now, some folks refuse to do this. They have a justified resentment... they do NOT owe an amend, and they see no need to forgive... nor does that bastard need praying for. They are neither sick nor are they human. They are wrong and to hell with them. I feel sorry for those folks... especially when they were me. They are entitled to their pain and they are not responsible. They are right and they are the... victim.
Why do some folks refuse to get well?
What's your current experience with forgiveness?