Monday, November 7, 2011

So our troubles are basically of OUR own making?

Have you ever come out of a 5th Step and feel like your skull was cracked open?

This was a rough one. I was so packed deep into this garbage that I had painted myself into a victim's corner.

Not only had I refused to see my part, but I refused to treat any of this spiritually.

This one really exposed my ego. No wonder I've been physically sick lately. I've been spiritually sick too... though I usually don't think so.


  1. I've felt like that a few times, particularly after I wrote extended inventory using the Theatre of the lie characters in column 3.

    These days my 10-11 are pretty solid and I don't have a lot of shit that has accumulated. My inventory is pretty boring. Me not getting what I want, losing what I have, bla, bla, bla. Basically not trusting God and attaching to the thinking mind.

    Were you slacking on 10-11? Or was some crap lurking around undetected. Ego can be a tricky little bastard once it knows it is being watched.

  2. Well I've got this new job... and a new coworker that I've been around for the last 11 months. He's been sort of the object of my 4th step. He just sort of replaced all the people in my past who I've given power to. Last time it was my brother who was my boss for 7 years.

    The bad guy just sort of changed seats. The problem is me. Why do I play the game? I'd like to figure it out and be free of it because it causes more harm.

    The elusive quest for power and control takes many forms.

    But let's say for just a second that I get teamed up with a nasty individual. What then? How do I let him be him and stay free of the bullshit?

    What it's going to come down to is that I have to come to terms with him, let him be who he's going to be, do what I've got to do for me, and make amends to him and maybe one day be free of it.

  3. Oh, and another thing shot through with this inventory is a little fucking issue with authority.

    Evidently, I would just as soon be put to death sometimes than being disrespected.

  4. I learned some years ago to not give anyone the keys to my ignition. It took some time, but I finally learned that if I give anyone power it's because I choose to. Similarly, I can choose to withhold that power.

    Thus, I don't go to every argument I've been invited to, nor to I involve myself in anyone else's quest for power and glory. Basically, I just ignore the fuckers.

    So while I can get angry, I don't stay that way. If I did, it's because I allowed it to happen. I let you control my emotional state. A resentment isn't far behind.

    Like Rob said, a good handle on the 10th step helps a lot here. Sort of nip the shit in the bud before it develops into something dangerous.