Saturday, June 22, 2013

4th Step and Institutions

In my cyber-loneliness, I've decided to borrow one of Paw's posts from SR and post it here. It's my understanding that we list people we were hurt threatened or interfered with, not in fear of... that comes later. I don't have a BB handy, but anywho. Music's post was condescending and useless. Tom's post was sterile and goodie-goodie. My experience is how do I react when I get a letter from my bank? VISA? Master Card? Water Bill? Gas Bill? Phone company? Verizon? How about junk mail? Spam? I don't have to be a criminal thief or have bad credit to have a resentment against an institution. But if I owe them money, that's an easy fucking amend. Pay back the money. What about credit card debt? Pay it off? Well no fucking shit. East to say from a keyboard, hard to do. Something to put down in the fear column too. More about this in the comments hopefully soon.


  1. I had a situation with Lawn Doctor last year. more of a business than an institution I understand but... well they never seemed to address some things that I needed help with... weeds, fix grass that rabbits ate, etc. But they did manage to show up a couple few times a month to throw down chemicals and aerate etc. then after about 6 months, I sent the bill in a week or so late, so a 5 dollar late fee. No biggie. The second time I was a week late, I got a letter that they were going to ding my credit and consider putting me on a cash only basis. I paid the bill in full plus the 5 dollars, called them up and told them to never step foot on my lawn again.

    Then the manager from another town calls me and tells me not to quit them. I told them about the credit threats and payment options and he told me that was just a form letter and that he was not on board with it.

    Lesson learned for him and I got past the resentment. Now, would I treat my mortgage company the same way? Heck no. Lesson for me? I'm not mature enough to take on a Lawn Doctor commitment. Maybe when I get longer in the tooth one day... hopefully.

  2. Another resentment against an institution/business that I had recently was with my insurance company.

    I had a friend move back down from Denver to Southern Colorado and he works for a roofing company. Well guess what? I need a new roof. So it's win-win for him and I. I call up my ins company to set up a claim, they send out an adjuster to meet my friend and he agrees I need the roof... old T-locks are obsolete so it's a new roof. But the adjuster tells us I have an ACV clause on my roof.

    Well I went through the roof and was upset. Eventually, the Actual Cash Value clause was removed and everybody happy, right? Not so fast. I was less than nice to my agent and another ins rep. I had to amend things with them, which went well... we were pleasant when I was done... and I got to realize what a major league professional asshole I still am.

    Oh, but I.don't have any more smoldering resentments anymore now that I'm sober and that God as annointed me His chosen One... yeah right.

  3. Hey Dog,

    Thanks for the compliment of transferring the thread I started on SR.
    All I have to do to get my blood boiling against Institutions is watch about an hour of FOX News. I'm sure there are people on both sides of guvmint with differing views and I do not intend to inject politics here since it is an outside issue. That is where I really have to work the program.When I see all that is going on in DC I beging to get that they are running it like a bunch of drunks and I mean both parties.
    Just like my drinking days the more I drank the more I screwed up my life up and the lives of those around me.
    Glad you caught the Music comments. What a Bozo. The thread was a little too deep for his understanding. You probably figured out my aim, ie. to get oldtimers to start giving some lessons and input about working the God Damn 4th. Step if you want some serenity.

  4. I've had run-ins with Music before. He's one of tjose bleeding deacons leading from his podium... being an elder statesman in his head because he did steps one time and can rest on his laurels because he's got time. That's my opinion anyway.

    I also used to get into it with a guy named Navy Steve. He got canned like I did. The only thing I couldn't come to terms with regarding him was our singleness of purpose... how there's some kind of magic when one drunk sits down and talks to another recovered drunk. He thought it didn't matter if you were alky addict etc. He thought A.A. should open its doors totally to the heroin addict as well. Other than that, we agreed on steps I think.

    I'm a here and now guy. Whether you do steps yearly or not, tell me how you struggle with life and how you treat it spiritually, not how you shit Tiffany Cufflings because you're sober and Saved now.

  5. That's exactly what I was trying to elicit in the SR thread about institutions. Life is a continuous succession of nows, not thens. Music was too smart to see it, but many others got it and started taliking about the shit we deal with in the now.

    I work the 5 parts of Step 10 almost daily, which is actually doing a daily 4th, 5th. (if necessary), 6th. 7th. 8th. and 9th. If I don't clean out regularly my soul house starts to stink.

    Sobriety is not shelter from life's problems. Life's problems are the daily test grounds for continuous use of the steps and principlals. God merely removed the defects of character that blocked me off from my conscious contact. The ones he left were for me to work on the rest of my life - and the reason he allowed my 68 years is that I have had a lot of work to do and probably have a lot left. Maybe 200 years might do.

  6. That would be nice.

    I refer to your 5 step 10th step as WADTC... or watch ask discuss turn and carry. I'm working with plugging that between On awakening... and When we retire at night...

    I have a resentment against Double H from CD right now. I've unfriended him and let him know I'm not happy with his actions. This is one of those cyber-resentments. Many folks would laugh at me or belittle the fact that I'm hurt threatened or interfered with someone on the internet that I've never met face to face.

    My first column is this... DH agreed with someone who called me a moron and accused me of being anti-semetic. It was in the Tim Tebow thread. I was supporting TTs right to do whatever the hell he wants to do in oublic even though he's a Christian! Oh the fucking heathen!

    So this David guy gets on, announces his victimhood and that he has no time for TT professing his love for Jesus Christ because this Davis guy is Jewish, and he challenged me to consider how I'd react if a Jew or Muslim worshipped on the field. I invited him to read my thread on God here. He didn't, Double H deleted just enough of my posts and kept enough of his to set me up and make me look like a Jew hater.

    Yeah, I've got a resentment.

  7. We are not doormats. You might consider reporting him to the moderator because what he did is libelous, IMO.

    We can use the system to settle harms done to us. We just don't take the law into our own hands.

    Finally, whatever you do ask HP to remove your resentment. 4th. Part of Step 10.

  8. Thanks. The problem is... he happens to be my favorite mod on there. I've talked to him on the phone before. He's offered to have my wife and I swing by and meet him if ever on the Western Slope. I was going to ride with him to New Mexico to buy some vinyl and maybe look at some vintage audio equipment. Either he's insensitive to harm he's done or fed up with me.

    Time will tell. I'd rather not report him because I'm more of a take care of things one on one kind of guy wherever possible. He'll either come around and hash this out with me or go on like nothing's ever happened but I doubt rhe latter.

    I should do my part in sweeping my side though... as you suggest.

  9. If you have his number give him a call and tell him you have a resentment. Give him an out by saying "I could be over reacting so I do not want to be angry about this if I am off base. If our friendship has changed let me know, I'm a big boy and I will understand."

    That kind of dialogue can also be part of cleaning your side of the street be ensuring you are not wrongly judging him. Again this is IMHO.