From the editorial column of the July 1944 A.A. Grapevine
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During nine years in A.A., I have observed that those who follow the Alcoholics Anonymous program with the greatest earnestness and zeal not only maintain sobriety but often acquire finer characteristics and attitudes as well. One of these is tolerance. Tolerance expresses itself in a variety of ways; in kindness and consideration toward the man or woman who is just beginning the march along the spiritual path; in the understanding of those who perhaps have been less fortunate in education advantages; and in sympathy toward those whose religious ideas may seem to be at great variance with our own.
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I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its radiating spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than all the other spokes is true only in the sense of its being best suited to you as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance, each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance, we might tend to become a bit smug or superior - which, of course, is not helpful to the person we are trying to help and may be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes to do anything that might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another- and a patronizing attitude can readily slow up this process.
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Tolerance furnishes, as a by-product, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived ideas and stubbornly adhered-to opinions. In other words, it often promotes an open-mindedness that is vastly important - is, in fact, a prerequisite to the successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or spiritual.
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These, then, are a few of the reasons why an attempt to acquire tolerance should be made by each one of us.
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That's what Dr Bob said. I'm a Dr Bob fan myself.
I have nothing but tolerance for a newcomer and I fully appreciate his reluctance to do the suggested program. In fact if someone is unwilling to take the steps as directed, I'm good with that too. They're in AA working their own program. Fine. I stopped playing God at one point in the game.
ReplyDeleteHowever. Comes a time when I have to put my foot down. That time is when someone who sits on their asses in meetings/groups and takes up space tells someone else that they can get sober by sitting on their ass and taking up space in meetings. Because it worked for them it will work for everyone. As a result, AA has become about meetings and meetings only. And people aren't getting sober. Remember the unforgivable? To interfere with the Spiritual Growth of another. Don't dare spread an impure and incorrect message in my presence. Especially to someone that comes to me for help.
We have a group conscience to do steps and to belong to that group you just pretty much get to decide in or out.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our group reads their own book, takes their own steps, etc. If someone in the group decides to go drink, they do that on their own too. Sometimes they don't know that they are about to decide to leave the group and decide to go drink, but if we see it in them we go up to them and tell them that they will be missed and that it's a Goddamn shame they are deciding to go do that. This pisses them off a little bit. Most people find it unnecessary to do what we do and they leave and go someplace else. That's ok with us. We're not a recruiting center. Just the mere pressure of being in a group where everybody around you is doing steps tends to guilt you into getting your shit together and getting it done. We chair our meeting and have a chair picker who informs you the week before that it's your turn. That gives you a week to pick a topic. Being that we do steps together, we select topics that are current to us and to which we have current experience. If you don't keep up to date with your steps in our group then you have to pull shit out of your ass to share or share a stale experience and that shows. We don't kick people out for not doing steps in our group. People just leave on their own. As I said before, we're not popular... nor are we popular in other meetings talking about our recent experience in steps. But when you get a huge group of folks together who all do steps it's a Powerful fucking meeting. In a small group, not so much, but very sufficient for a once a week get together.