Smarter Than The Average Monkey

With Dog's monkey video up. (great btw) I figure some of the lurking atheist types would get to thinking that we humans are just high tech monkeys.

But we do monkeys one better. We not only drink, get drunk and fall down; we sing about it too. In 7/4 time no less.

Just another proof that there IS a God.

So... is the idea of a line between the alcoholic and the normie a myth?

I'm that one... that throws tables, steals others' drinks... kicks ass, takes the girl, and staggers away.

War Stories

War Stories.   What are they?  Why bad?  What's wrong with talking about booze?  What is wrong with talking about 'what it was like'?  Where do we cross the line between war story and qualifying?


I suppose we have to define the line of when, where, and what; Let's say we're giving a 10 minute pitch for our birthday or we're the first of two speakers... or let's say this is our lead and we're given the whole hour to speak.  Or... let's just say we're at a meeting and the topic is the 1st Step.


I belonged to a group where, on you A.A. birthday (yearly intervals only), you get up and give a 10 minute pitch of what happened.  Nothing else.  Just how you drank booze.  No God talk or wonderful shiny glitter talk... not the wonderous things you've done now that you're sober.


When I give a pitch, I talk about booze and my relation to it.  I try to demonstrate where, when, and how I lost control physically and mentally.  I then talk about what happened... a description of my notion to try A.A., yet again... or in this last case, my decision to go to "that" A.A. meeting and come clean on where I was at... with no hope or notion that this was it... the big surrender.  But surrender I did, and I talk about what was said then... by me and by Gary;


Me:  I need help.


Gary:  We can help you.  Do you have a problem with booze?


Me:  Yes.


Gary:  Do you want to quit for good and all?  Do you want to do something about it?


Me:  Yes.  Yes.


Gary:  Get writing.  Have a 4th Step done for me in... 21 days.  Be open to your 1st Step.  Maybe you're not alky.  Maybe you are.  Don't answer than now.  Review your 1st step and your concept of God each time before you sit down to write.  Decide in or out.  You need Power and you need it now.  You are up for grabs.  We cannot fix you or stop you.  Either you're gonna do this stuff or you're not, Bud.  It's up to you.


...


So I did that and it lead to now... 7 years sober and counting.


That's basically my story, my lead, my pitch.


But I talk about booze.  Not just in a general way.  I can talk about the feel, the taste, the comfort and peace and ease...  Booze did for me what nothing else that I could muster could.  Are you like me?

Powerless over alcohol?

Not me.

I have power over alcohol.

Alcohol is not my problem today.

Why do I have power over alcohol?  Because the steps I did in Alcoholics Anonymous gave me Power, as lack of Power was my dilemna.  It ain't now.

I don't want to drink booze and that's that.  I think God had something to do with it.  I'm not likely to drink booze anytime soon or get struck drunk.  I would have to unravel a bit before I would drink again.  It could happen.  I'm not worried about it and you can bet I'll be sober tomorrow.

Being that I'm going to be sober tomorrow, I can plan accordingly.  I'm not going to get a D.U.I., nor am I going to blackout.  I'm not likely to spray puke all over the place.  I'm not gonna piss my pants, nor yours.  I'm not gonna fuck your wife.  I'm not going to steal shit.  I am going to be to work on time.  I will put in a good day/night of work when I get there.  At the end of the month, I will get paid and I will pay my bills.

In the meantime, I am content and life is fun.  I'm happy and well adjusted to my own content and want to seek God at a further level and I enjoy other people's company moreso than usual. I even have developed a healthy tolerance for other peoples' faults and can find the good in most.  If you're a prick, I'm probably going to find some way to confront you and let you know I don't approve.  If you continue to be a prick, I will avoid you and leave you alone as best I can.  If you step on my toes, I'll piss in your wheaties.  But no worries, you're probably not worth getting upset over.  For the most part, I get along pretty good.

If the shit hits the fan and I get lost, I ask God for help and it seems to work.

So yes, I have Power over alcohol.

How about you?

God is everything or God is nothing. What is your choice to be?

Topic at our meeting tonight.

If you chose God is everything, what is your experience with this?  Any recent experience with this?

How about God is nothing?  How does/did this work for you?  Especially in relation to facing a life without booze and a life without God?

Being a guy who does steps yearly, it's a simple proposition of facing life right now on my own... without God.  There's no God.  Just me and the bit of power I can muster to wind out my days.  What would that look like?  How am I doing with God's grace?  How am I doing with the Power of God at my fingertips?  Am I... of myself, nothing?  Or am I everything?  Can I manifest what I need to get by?  How do others see me?  Is my life a success?  Is it worth living?  Page 52 stuff.

Now, what does "God is everything" look like?  Am I willing to put God number 1 and me number 2?  How about... God number 1, y'all number 2, and me number 3?  Proposition kinda sucks... when I get honest with myself.  Would I do this if I didn't have to?  Do I have to?  What happens to me with relation to booze if I choose otherwise?

Can I keep myself sober?  If so, why did I ever wind up in A.A.?  If that is the case, and I'm still in A.A. or if I wasted away in A.A., did A.A. do its job of directing me to where I needed to go?  Or could I have been hustled into A.A.?  If so, could it be my fault that I let that happen?

Now... if I can't keep myself sober, does the need for Power seem like such a ridiculous proposition?  Are there some who can keep themselves sober and can... if they really want/need to, moderate and control their booze intake?  You know?  8 hours or 12 hours from bottle to throttle? 

I've been studying for my CDL and it says that booze affects our brain in such a way that we lose our ability to control judgment and inhibition.  So... this describes everybody.  The logical choice would seem to be "Don't ever drink and drive."  Either drink, or drive, period.  But... it happens.  I don't think that just alkies drink and drive.  I think that some people assume power and they rebel against rational decisions at times.  So... it's possible that many get sent to A.A. that need not face the question God is everything or God is nothing.

I also understand that there are those who will point out that Bill W. and the authors of the book stole this spiritual tool from elsewhere.  Well so be it.  Set that argument aside.  What does it mean to you?  What's your experience with it?  How have you used and benefited from that proposition?

Step 1: Am I an Alcoholic?

Step 1: am I an alcoholic?

I think this should be asked of every new person prior to coming to the meeting... and be asked to have an open mind to your first step.

Am I an alcoholic? Well am I? How do I find out?

One good way is to go back into my own experience. Look at how I drank booze. Not so much looking at the drama or outer circumstances, but how was it with me and booze? How was it when I tried to control my drinking? Why did I feel the need to control my drinking? How was I when I was abruptly separated from booze once I had a good drunk started?

Ultimately, could I control the amount once I started, and/or, could I stay stopped for something like a year on my own power. When I read pages 30, 31, 32, 33, etc... I start to understand why I might just be an alcoholic.

It's also good to know what an alcoholic isn't. What is a hard drinker? What is a moderate drinker? A teetotaler? Can a hard drinker cross the line and become a real alky? Well, evidently yes. And once an alky, always an alky. But not just anybody can get drunk and become an alcoholic. It's complicated, but it just doesn't work that way. Alcoholism is a very selective malady and tests have been done to support this "theory" if you will. I like what a book Under the Influence says about the matter. But I don't like the doc's plan for recovery.

That's all we need, is another plan, right?

But I was given the dignity to find out for myself whether I was an alky or not. I was not forced, coerced, rushed, etc. into AA. I was given the dignity to come to my own conclusion and act accordingly. At one point, my group had to watch me fight recovery and go out and drink again. As the book say, alcohol is the Great Persuader. For it finally and once again "beat me into a state of reasonableness."

When I came back in, they said I looked whipped. They said I was quiet, scared, and didn't seem to have a plan. For me, that was the start of my first step. But I was given the gift of "being open to my first step" and follow the path of consideration.

To partake in a spiritual excercise, you have to start with a question, not an answer.

It was not necessary that I drink again because for one thing, that's dangerous for a guy like me. I could have died or killed people. But... I got in fear and refused to deal with it. Another plan is to see how well you stay sober on your own power. If neither that nor trying some controlled drinking doesn't work, you're probably an alcoholic.

Coming to the realization that you're an alcoholic should be a scary one. It was for me. For, left to my own devices, I will drink again. And for me to drink again means

death

insanity

incarceration.

So this idea of a God personal to me becomes pretty believable. That's how the 1st step shakes out for me. It's not just the 1st step as listed on the Step Scroll or on page 60. It's everything from Title Page, preface, forwards, Dr's Opinion, Bill's Story, There is a Solution, More about Alcoholism, and a paragraph on We Agnostics... other known as the Bedevilments... "We were having problems with personal relationships..."

And if you'll notice, the first 8 pages of Bill's Story is his drunkalog. You can ask yourself "How did I drink, think and feel like Bill?" Pages 9-16 was what he did to recover.

Up to page 23 or so... that's the physical "craving of booze" when it's in my body. From right after that to about page 43, that's the mental obsession or when alcohol is not in my body, but in my mind; the mental obsession. Then the bedevilments on page 52 talk to me about the spiritual malady, or my life without God, whether I'm sober or not.

Step 1, for me it didn't happen over night.