Monday, February 28, 2011

Powerless over alcohol?

Not me.

I have power over alcohol.

Alcohol is not my problem today.

Why do I have power over alcohol?  Because the steps I did in Alcoholics Anonymous gave me Power, as lack of Power was my dilemna.  It ain't now.

I don't want to drink booze and that's that.  I think God had something to do with it.  I'm not likely to drink booze anytime soon or get struck drunk.  I would have to unravel a bit before I would drink again.  It could happen.  I'm not worried about it and you can bet I'll be sober tomorrow.

Being that I'm going to be sober tomorrow, I can plan accordingly.  I'm not going to get a D.U.I., nor am I going to blackout.  I'm not likely to spray puke all over the place.  I'm not gonna piss my pants, nor yours.  I'm not gonna fuck your wife.  I'm not going to steal shit.  I am going to be to work on time.  I will put in a good day/night of work when I get there.  At the end of the month, I will get paid and I will pay my bills.

In the meantime, I am content and life is fun.  I'm happy and well adjusted to my own content and want to seek God at a further level and I enjoy other people's company moreso than usual. I even have developed a healthy tolerance for other peoples' faults and can find the good in most.  If you're a prick, I'm probably going to find some way to confront you and let you know I don't approve.  If you continue to be a prick, I will avoid you and leave you alone as best I can.  If you step on my toes, I'll piss in your wheaties.  But no worries, you're probably not worth getting upset over.  For the most part, I get along pretty good.

If the shit hits the fan and I get lost, I ask God for help and it seems to work.

So yes, I have Power over alcohol.

How about you?

1 comment:

  1. Good topic, Dog. I like the way you look at the subject, as this is "discussed" to death in meetings, on SR, and just about everywhere you turn these days.

    I'm not really sure about this "healthy tolerance for other peoples' faults", though. You? Tolerance? Now there's an oxymoron...

    Just joking, so don't go off on a rant. I'm tolerant, too. So long as your fault isn't stupidity. Neither of us suffers fools gladly.

    So to the subject at hand. Am I powerless over alcohol? If I have one drink, then no. The shit will have me by the balls.

    But I don't have to take that drink any more. I have a choice now.

    I talked about spirituality a couple of weeks ago. Specifically, my journey through the steps. I learned a lot in the process, and I don't want to sound like I'm spewing mantras here but the first thing I learned was that my problem was never alcohol, it was me.

    I have this genetic thing that makes me different than 90% of the population out there. I cannot not drink. Alcohol affect me differently than those other people.

    But does this give alcohol power? No. Alcohol is chemical. It's like a rock, a tree, maybe a cloud. it's a neutral element of nature.

    Ah. But when that element mixes with my genetic makeup, then I have a problem. Bad shit happens. The operative word here is "I". Alcohol doesn't have a problem, I do.

    The solution to this problem has nothing to do with alcohol. I can't change alcohol. I can't change my genetic codes, either. That stuff's reality.

    But something had to change. Joe had to go in to the shop for a diagnostic check as he was seriously fucked up. And the computer that ran this test is called AA. The program has 12 parts to it. They're called steps.

    I never drank to get drunk. I drank to get "there". When I was "there" everything was good. I got this feeling of euphoria that those other 90% didn't get. All the shit in my life went away. That mix of alcohol and genes handled life for me so I didn't have to deal with it.

    But after a while, I couldn't find "there". So I drank more looking for it. Somewhere along the way I found that I was fucked. I could get "there" and I couldn't not drink. It wasn't alcohol's fault. Alcohol could give a shit. It's neutral.

    So I had to find another way to get "there", because that's all I really wanted in life. Just to be able to handle the fucking things that happen to everyone every day.

    I had to learn to accept reality rather keep trying to change it. It's that shit called insanity, remember? Doing the same things over etc.

    And I did. I learned how to get "there" by changing what "I" was. Nothing I could do about the genetic shit. But I could change the rest of myself to be able to get "there", to be able to live life.

    I learned this from the program, from doing the 12 steps. I stopped trying to be God. Instead, I asked God to help me and He did. There's no way I could have done this without God. He showed me how to get "there".

    God only showed me the right path, though. I still have to do the walking. I stumble a lot, lose my way sometimes. Shit still happens.

    But there's a difference now. Now I can deal with the shit. Not perfectly. I just do the best I can. I don't need alcohol any more, though. I found a better way to get "there".

    So do I have power over alcohol? Yeah. Now I do. I'm gonna hold on to this power, too. Like the man said, milk this mother for all it's worth.

    As long as I keep doing what I'm doing, living the steps like the Big Book tells me to, I'll always have this power. This I know. This is my plan.