Ultimate Authority

Meeting on Monday night was on the 2nd tradition.

We discussed how and when we turn towards God as the Director of our lives... and how we do the same at the group level.

How do you know if your Group Conscience is in line with God's Will?  Where does minority opinion play in here?

Whom Governs your group?  Is it Central Office?  New York?  The members with some "time"?  How about the newcomer?  If it's God, then how does your group facilitate this?  Is it done through Group Conscience?  If so, how many of your group shows up for it's own Group Conscience?  Maybe it's in your meeting itself.  If so... if God and the Power is present in your meetings, do you show up at least once a week if you can?  Is there fire and passion in your meeting?  Do you bring good topics?  Do folks do steps in your group?  When someone doesn't show up does it hurt the group?  Does your group let you know how much you are missed when you don't make it?

Is it too much to ask to show up to a group meeting once per week?  Granted, I missed my homegroup for over 6 months.  They almost disbanded.  But they didn't.  My work schedule changed and I'm back.  I like to think that God and my intent to make it back may have had something to do with it. 

We had a new guy come check out our meeting a few weeks ago... and another one just this last week.  We'll see if any of them can make that dreaded 2nd meeting.  Our group is not too popular.  But for the size of the group, it packs a wallop of a punch.  I'd say there's a bit of heat.  But nothing like a group that's got say 40-50 people.

Forgiveness

I chaired the meeting tonight and this was the topic. 

Forgiveness.

I'm talking about the forgiveness we do... in that 4th step.  Some folks use it when they call themselves names in their 4th column.  Some folks use it when they move from steps 6 and 7 on into steps 8 and 9. 

However you get there, the time will come where you have to face the person you've hated.  He kicked you in the balls or spat on you or... said you were wrong... or tried to control and dominate you.  Whatever it was.

But there comes a time when you have to settle the deal, own up to your part, and get past it.  It may be that you don't owe him an amend... or you're not ready to make it yet... or whatever.  But let's say, you've "taken the bit into your teeth" and you're going to sweep off your side of the street.

I wronged you.  This is what I did to you...  I rebelled against your authority... etc. etc. etc.  Then when it's done, "What can I do to set this right between us?"

If you've gotten this far... in my experience, you're usually free. 

You are no longer a victim.  You are now responsible.  You are free.  You are once again happy and at peace in your own skin and that guy who you hated is a new man... although he's the same.

Now, some folks refuse to do this.  They have a justified resentment... they do NOT owe an amend, and they see no need to forgive... nor does that bastard need praying for.  They are neither sick nor are they human.  They are wrong and to hell with them.  I feel sorry for those folks... especially when they were me.  They are entitled to their pain and they are not responsible.  They are right and they are the... victim.

Why do some folks refuse to get well?

What's your current experience with forgiveness?

Don C... Four Seasons of Recovery

Don C, all grown up.  I can't believe that I have not taken time to go see him.  Maybe he's been down to Pueblo and I didn't even know.  He couldn't live 50 miles from me. 

I like the way he describes the seasons of our recovery. 

Hopefully Jim will weigh in on this.  He has a common sponsor, I believe.

Whitney... RIP.

I'm not going to eulogize her recent life.

I would like to call your attention to her rendition of the National Anthem back in 1991.

But her choice to be in a relationship with Bobby Brown and a call to kiss her black ass... is the other parts of her talented life.

I had heard she had tried rehab.

Is there such a thing as A.A. oriented rehab? Did rehab fail her? Why or why not?

I have a resentment against hospitals and treatment centers

Specifically, Parkview Medical Center in Pueblo Colorado and some hospital in Denver Colorado... can't remember which one.

Why? They fucked me over monetarily. They screwed me and my family out of money and did so willingly and without remorse.

The first time it happened, I was at Metro State College at Denver and I was seeing ok one minute and the next minute, I had blind spots. I was living with my parents at the time as a full-time student. I went to the campus nurse and they were concerned about me so they sent me to the local hospital for a CT scan. Turns out I'm allergic to iodine. Turns out, I was probably just having a fucking migraine headache, my first to date at the time. The stupid fucks there kept asking me if I had taken cocaine or some shit. I had not. Months later, I'd have bills coming from collection agencies to pay off late radiologist bills and shit. The hospital did nothing for me except to give me an epinephrine shot to counteract the blood dye for the fucking CT scan. The ass fuckers didn't even diagnose my introduction to the occasional migraine. So... $800.00 later to fix my credit.

Fastforward to one of my latest drunks... the hotel incident. I tear apart part of a hotel in a drunken rage and make amends to the hotel manager... to the tune of 800 bucks. No problem. But multiply that figure by 10... and that's what Parkview took from me as my former employment HR department refused to pony up what a CDU in town overcharged me.

We've long since squared up those debts... but it pisses me off and makes me wonder.

They ought to teach a High School course and a Humanities College course on how to not get fucked in the ass financially. They ought to level with the student the long-term financial burden of such things as... going to the hospital/clinic/school nurse with your wallet open and without the aid of a good lawyer. They ought to level with the student the long-term financial burden attached to going out on that weekend binge, dating that stupid schmuck or who-whah...

My dad has an old adage I should have included into my HS and college studies... "A fool and his money are soon parted."

So how does this relate to an A.A. topic? ... foolish decisions... dangerous to alcoholics.

Tradition 1, Unity

Just got back from my homegroup meeting and the topic was Tradition 1.

1. Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole.  A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die.  Hence our common welfare comes first.  But individual welfare follows close afterward.

Gary chaired the meeting tonight and proposed this topic, as it's our new group conscience to bring the topic of the tradition of that month to our last meeting of that month.  Plus we hold our group conscience after the meeting on the last Monday of the month.

So in Gary's sharing of the topic, he discussed the importance of taking care of your group.  Now, several years ago, our group was getting pretty big.  Maybe 18-20 people and it was growing.  But our group become split on philosophy and there seemed to be split politics as well.  We started meeting with active and passive resistance.  Every group conscience became a struggle to change the thing into something else and some of us stood firm on the original group conscience.  So eventually, the group split.  The split was good for them and it was good for us.  We became a very small group... but a very focussed group and the fighting stopped.  The splinter group grew and flourishes today.  They have close to 30 folks.  But our group is about 4.  We had a new guy show up tonight and he likes our format... even the crossfire.

We don't have a GSR.  We don't contribute to area, the region, nor New York.  We do contribute some to the local CSO, but only to get our name listed in the area meeting list.  We give the rest of the money to the church we meet in.  We are dedicated to showing up, doing steps yearly, chairing meetings, participating in meetings and group consciences and if we get a 12 step call, we jump on that.  As a group, we don't do anything else at this time. 

Unconventional?  Probably.  Effective?  I'd say so.

To us, the still suffering alcoholic starts with the folks right there in our own group.  Anybody who is new to A.A. or to our group can become a part of that if they can maybe suggest they drank a little something... aka that they might be the Real McCoy, and that they want to do something about it.

I discussed my last year and the lack of meetings and how I couldn't make my homegroup commitment due to my work schedule and how I attempted to find a new home... to land elsewhere... and how that ultimately didn't work and how I got back to my homegroup.  Someone in the group crosstalked my share with the notion that "we shouldn't judge others" and stuff like that.  I brought the question up in crossfire, "Is it ever right to judge another person or group with respect to A.A. and if so, how should it be done.  But I asked Gary instead of the person the question was really directed at.  This indirect approach sometimes works best. 

What do you all think about that issue?  Is it ever right to judge another?  Specifically with regards to those we are doing spiritual work with?  "Judge not lest ye be judged."  What does that mean?  Is there a caveat that comes with that?

Sanity... and how we get there.

So I got to chair my first meeting in probably over half a year.  I read some pages out of the book pertaining to sanity, specifically from pages 56 and 57, 70, and page 84;


Pg 56 and 57:
Thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it. His alcoholic problem was taken away. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. Save for a few brief moments of temptation the though of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. .




What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstances made him willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his Maker then he knew


 


Pg 70:
To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.


Pg 84:
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.


Then I added a final bit from the end of chapter 6 from page 88;
We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.   
&
We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. "Faith without works is dead." The next chapter is entirely devoted to Step Twelve.


So I shared my recent experience with what sanity is to me and how I've used or attempted to use discipline to remain in that state.


A pretty good discussion ensued and a pretty good crossfire discussion as well.  Considerations were brought up such as;


"Do you feel you can be restored to sanity if you seemingly never knew sanity in the first place?"


"Have you ever worked with "God is my employer and if so, how so?"


"Can you engage in foolish decisions now and if so, will this mean you will wind up drunk?"