Do like me; find a sponsor who denies being your sponsor. Or at least after I did a set of steps with him.
A.A. is one drunk helping another drunk. But one of those drunks... can be either one I guess... preferably the more sober one... has to know what the fuck they are doing. That sort of helps. They need to at least be able to do what no alcoholic can do... come to their admissions and seek the truth about themselves.
It's easy to tell the truth about someone else... especially for the alky.
Girl at store checkout; "So... how do you know that I'm single?"
Drunk at store checkout; "Because you're ugly."
See? That's easy for the alcoholic. What's hard for the alcoholic is to say stuff like... "I don't know" ... or "I was wrong. I harmed you. Here's how..." or... "This is what I'm going to do and this is what I'm not going to do..."
After you've done a set of steps, you're free. So should be "your sponsor". Stop shitting on him/her and go find someone else or something else to go shit on. Why in God's green earth you want to be hogtied to another human being and under their thumb for eternity sounds completely fucked up to me... and unnecessary.
What I need is an informed recovered drunk or two who... this is assuming two things here;
1) I want to get and stay sober for good and all
2) I'm gonna do A. fucking A. mutherfucker... not B. fucking B. or C. fucking C.
whose done a set of steps 1 thru 12... and can ask me the questions to ask myself... as to what the hell a real alcoholic is and whether I even am one or not.
You may not even be an alcoholic. If you're not an alcoholic or I don't think you are... or if I think you may be but ain't done drinking, I won't work with you anyway.
And if it turns out you are a real alcoholic, it's my job to show you what that is and isn't and to steer you into the direction of seeing that for yourself.
Then and only then... can we get you to look at the prospect of what the A.A. solution is... God. That's right! God. If you want that solution or even are willing to seek God, I'll kindly point you into that direction at every turn. That's it.
If you want to call that a sponsor, so be it.
After that, you should find a good group that does steps to be "accountable" to. I'd trust no one. Find out for yourself if these selfish fucks have a life worth living or not. If they don't, steer clear of them. You don't owe them nothing. Tip your hat to them and be polite, but keep your hand on your god damned wallet. If they walk the talk, then try walking with them. If you get good results, then continue on and talk to other... like minded folks about it.
You kind of need someone to tell you to write a 4th step and you can find brilliant directions on that in your SR forum under the Step 4 icon... any thread started by McGowdog is pretty good... IMHO. Someone whose willing to ask you to bring them a piece of inventory and then line you out on a 3 or 4 column inventory is what I would call getting your money's worth.
You also need someone to 5th step with. After that, you need someone to ask you, "Done with all those amends yet? Quit fucking around and getr done." Then you need someone who will ask you, "How's that prayer and meditation coming?" If you're doing it, they'll rap with you. If you're not, they'll say, "Well when you go do that, we'll have something to rap about. Otherwise, talk to the hand."... and walk away.
You do all of that, then you can become one of the elite... or as the antiAAers say, the 5 percenters. Realizing, of course, that you are just like the 75 Percenters who do "nothing" to get and stay sober... besides just deciding with their own willpower to just "quit".
So it's up to you... do it the hard way... or the easy way.
Good question. Thank you for bringing that topic to the cyber world. Bet I answered it differently than about 99.8% of the folks out there huh? I'm unique.... just like everybody else.
A Caveat; if you make your way through the traditional religionists and the spiritually timid, you may find yourself actually passionate about this deal... Not the "not drinking" deal, but the "path to God" deal. You do that, and you'll be rare indeed. You will then be confronted by the "haters" and maybe... God forbit... the seekers. You may one day find yourself on the other side of this coin; "Will you be my sponsor?" What a laugh.