I've failed ________________________________________
I was doing so well. I was in the chat room last night talking about my iPad and how it's helped me keep my mind occupied. I was 10 days sober last night.
However, I gained today on the stock market. I've been unemployed for a year (partial reason for me drinking), but have been buying and selling stocks, breaking even and doing o.k. But, after today's big bust through I'm up A LOT. A LOT A LOT. Capitalization doesn't even do this justice. I was at home, and my buddies called me when they heard market close.
So, I was taken from my house by my 3 best friends, they know I'm recovering, but didn't care.
So...I went to a bar tonight, it's been 11 days since my last drink.
Usually, after a day like today I would be 13+ drinks deep right now. Fortunately, I only had 3 shots and 2 beers tonight, about 1/2 of what I would normally drink. I feel like I've failed, but I wanted to share my "success" with someone, and I had a designated driver for tonight.
Either way, I've failed and I'd love to hear what someone in my position would do. I guess I have to head to A.A. to learn how to cope with days like today.
Thank you for listening. At least I'm able to actually type this out. Usually, I'm 4x's as drunk at this point. So, I guess I've had some sort of "break through."
I don't think you've failed at all. You're trying to stop drinking booze for whatever reason, you had success, you celebrated. Now... if you want to find a different way to celebrate, you might want to really look at this. If you're gonna quit drinking booze for good and all, you'd better have a damned good reason for it.
Why? Why quit drinking? Can you moderate? Maybe you're not an alcoholic. Maybe you can be a hard drinker and enjoy your drinking... or at least control the damage.
Maybe you're a real alcoholic or a potential, but you're not done drinking yet. Don't just jump into A.A. and say "Here I am." That's like going to a Hearing clinic and saying, "What?" They're gonna push you into doing the A.A. program and not giving you the dignity to find out for yourself whether you are or not and whether you're done drinking or not.
SR is there for their reasons, but they are going to lead you down one and only one path... total abstinence from booze and drugs no matter what. That's not even A.A. No way, no how. A true A.A.er cannot ask the tough questions they need to ask you to find out your truth. The antiAAers will come bitching and moaning about how mean and brutal we are. The truth is, we're like a mother's kiss next to booze... if you're a real alcoholic... and are done with booze and willing to get "in" all the way.
If you are a real alcoholic and done with it, you'll realize that something will come up, sooner or later... to show you first hand... that Keith is right and Music is full of shit.
Being an alcoholic means you have NO CHOICE where booze is concerned. If you have choice, choose to drink or to not drink, save your buck and don't go to A.A. and don't waste a minute of your valuable time on Sober Recovery and go play that stock market. Go make some fucking money and have fun!
Music posts:
I'm a "real alcoholic"! When I came to AA I found out I had a choice. The choice is simple. To drink, or not to drink.....that is the question!! I called someone, got together with someone, went to a meeting...sometimes two or three in a row in the same day. Calling myself a "real alcoholic" doesn't negate the fact that I have choices. I always did have a choice. Problem is the choice was not in the equation once I took that "first" drink. I learned to do something BEFORE I took that first drink. The longer we're in/around AA, the less innocent we become. Claiming ignorance doesn't fly.
Hey Music, kiss the darkest part of my back. You may be a real alcoholic, but you're not A.A. I don't care if you're sober 54 years and a Navy Admiral. You're full of shit. You don't have a choice TO drink once recovered and you don't have a choice to NOT drink until you become recovered.
No offense, but you did it wrong. You must not be a real alky after all. You were a situational. This is why we fought. Have a good day, sir.
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