Friday, July 30, 2010


Things within the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous... and without... that bother me;

  1. Lower your expectations.
  2. We stay sober, one day at a time. All we have is today.
  3. My disease is out in the parking lot doing push-ups. Yeah? And your brain is on the couch eating cheesy puffs watching porno, asshole. What the fuck's your point?
  4. 90 meetings in 90 days
  5. Keep coming back.
  6. What you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here... hear hear. Yeah, right!
  7. Just don't drink. Go to meetings.
  8. Don't let the God talk run you out.
  9. Hold onto your ass, because you're in for a ride.
  10. Cotton.
  11. Addiction.
  12. Using.
  13. Clean.
  14. I'm an...anda...
  15. Nobody gets here by mistake.
  16. Powerless over my disease
  17. I can't, God can, let Him. Let Him do what? Wipe my ass? Throw Sober Bolts at my whiskey bottle? How about this? RTFM. Read the Fucking Manual. DTFD.
  18. Alcohol is a drug.
  19. The Program works me.
  20. You gotta change your playmates, playthings and playpens.
  21. The only thing you have to change is everything. How about this? Life is like a diaper. Let someone else change it.
  22. Think through the drink.
  23. Let us love you until you can love yourself.
  24. Steps? Oh, those are up there on the wall.
  25. Get a sponsor. Tell your sponsor. What's your sponsor say? My sponsor says...
  26. The short form of the 3rd Tradition.
  27. There's nothing that can come to me today that God can't handle. Oh yeah? What if this is the day you die? I'm just sayin... look both ways.
  28. But for the Grace of God there go I. What are you sayin? Look at that poor sap. Glad it's his dead ass and not me.
  29. Journal.
  30. Sick as our secrets.
  31. How are you doing today? Oh, do you really want to fucking know? You got time? Or are you just making small talk? My life is fucked up but I'm seeking a spiritual solution. I'm sober today. And you?
  32. You can start your day anytime. Oh yeah? Why not just start at the beginning?
  33. We're not bad people. Were just sick people trying to get well.
  34. Does anyone have a topic? Chair the fucking meeting.
  35. When I came into my first A.A. meeting, I already did step one. Bullshit.
  36. I do living amends by staying sober and going to A.A. Really? Most people I know outside of A.A. could give a crap. I get no points for doing what I should already be doing.
  37. I've been sober in A.A. for XX years and I'm still recovering.
  38. The promises. Oh, you love to read those, huh? How about the 10th Step promises for a change?
  39. My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk.
  40. I have a disease that tells me I don't have a disease. Not so fucking fast. Are you alky or not?
  41. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Oh rly? Well can I tear the Dr's Opinion and the next 43 pages out of my fucking A.A. book now? Is qualifying for A.A. as easy as your gf? Ooh... that was low.
  42. Your best thinking got you here.
  43. Nobody is too dumb for the program, but there's plenty of people who were too smart. O.K. I believe you. You are the poster child for that one.
  44. If you want what we have... Just make sure old Charlie the Gimp doesn't greet people at the door with that one.
  45. Be careful what you pray for. Oh really? Should I buy a Powerball ticket today or what? Come enjoy in my misery if I win. Yeah, right.
  46. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Oh, well I'm sick and tired of hearing that.
  47. Wait for the miracle. Oh yeah? What happened to "my serenity being directly proportional to my expectations" and "acceptance is the key today"? Which one is it? You're confusing the fuck out of me now.
  48. Jails, institutions, or death. Oh, the old FEAR motivator. Nice. Is that A.A. or N.A.?
  49. ...to be continued

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