Saturday, November 27, 2010

"I thought everybody drank like that"

Oh rly?  I didn't.  I was quite sure that not too many drank like me.  Waking up to a wall of spewed pizza and booze on the wall by that bed in an El Segundo Hotel  and hair matted in puke and a pounding head was not my goal.  My actual goal was "have some fun". 

I evidently over-shot fun and I know that the over-indulgence of booze had some fucking thing to do with it.

People who say "I thought everybody drank like me" or "I came to A.A. because I thought you folks would teach me how to drink" confuses me.

I know/knew one way to drink and that was always my way.  I never "crossed" any imaginary line.  I blasted over it way long ago... when I was 10 years old, in fact.  Bill W didn't cross that line until sometime after he turned  17 or 18 because he didn't drink until then.  It was different in my family.

I was hell-bent on stupid actions and a life of horror due to those actions despite my talents and the support and love from my family and friends... although a part of me didn't think so.  I thought I could handle it.  Although I knew I was different, I thought I was cool... and I'll show you this time!

It makes no logical sense.  That's the truth of it.  But the creation of science or use of logic... of rational thought... has nothing to do with it... for me.

I'm an alcoholic.

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas.

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