Saturday, June 6, 2009

New 12-Step Program as seen with AA-Basher goggles on:

Happy 70 Year Birthday, A.A. Book! You've served us real-alcoholics well, who use the book as a set of directions. By the way, when did God ever suggest us to do things? Anyway, this is what the steps might look like with some orange goggles on. Enjoy.

1. We admitted that our mom and dad forced us to drink from the binky to keep us quiet as babies-and our diapers were too tight.

2. Came to believe that my will is powerful and I should use it more.

3. Made a decision to invent a new 12 step meeting; it's called the A-Z Meeting or Adult Bad Children of Dysfunctional Evil Families Getting Hooked Into Just Keeping Little Mean Nasty Old People Quiet Requiring Stupendous Tenacity Utilizing Vociferiousness With eXtremely Youthful Zeal.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of all the diseases that I think are stupider than this one and vowed to make fun of them.

5. Admitted that I used to choose to get drunk and locked up because I wanted people to feel sorry for me and absolve me of my actions because it's a disease! disease disease disease!

6. Were entirely ready to ask a shrink to fix me.

7. Humbly asked Myself to save me from myself and restore my sick mind to sanity.

8. Made a list of all who disagree with me and became willing to ignore them all.

9. Made direct ammends to everyone who I think is important and who I might be able to mooch off of if I run out of money.

10. Continued to blame others for my problems and justify my behavior.

11. Sought through Player and Medication to improve my chances to have fun.

12. Having seen the Light, Ministered to those less fortunate for a small fee.

13. Hey girl, come on over to my pad and I'll show you how to achieve Nirvana

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